August 04, 2003 - 6:14 am
It's been a long time coming, I suppose.
What, this entry, you say sarcastically?
Ha. No.
I went back to my hometown this weekend. The one where I grew up, with my father, in a house that he built with his own hands.
I cried.
And, cried.
And cried some more.
It was cathartic, really. I had a family reunion on my father's side this weekend, and made a weekend of it.
We took the day before the reunion to go back home, and spend some time with some old friends.
The whole thing really made me reflect on where I am now, and what I've done with myself.
There were times that I thought, "What the HELL am I doing? Who am I? Where have I been? I need to be back here, with my friends, and the support of MY family. The support and knowledge of being home."
But, what I came to realize as I drove by my old house - the one that Dad built, and saw that they tore off the old deck, leveled the yard, and changed everything that was so good about that house....was that THIS is home. That was home then, and it was good....but damn, this is good too.
It took a lot of tears, and a lot of thinking (ha, what little time I have to think these days, I realized at 2am when I couldn't sleep for the wheels in my brain turing) to realize that.
Anyway, the reunion was good. My first year going, but I figure that I need to keep in touch with my father's side now that he's gone.
He's gone.
I still hate that. Still can't believe it...still loathe those words. Still cry like hell.
*Sigh*
~L
