October 29, 2003 - 8:43 am
Well, let's face it, funerals suck.
However, it was so nice to see Dad's side of the family again. Family that doesn't normally see eachother, for they live hours and hours apart.
My Aunt and Uncle from Tennessee came up for the event. My other Aunts and Uncles from the area gathered. It was so good, so comforting, to see them again.
I'll never understand why people have open casket funerals. People stand around and say how "nice" the deceased looks. No, they don't, they look fake...they're...dead. Just a shell, empty of it's resident laying there. Nothing really "nice" about it. The daughter and the son (wearing his swanky 70's garb!?!?!) stood at their mother's head and greeted everyone as they stood there crying. Or, at least I did. It's so awkward, viewings. I mean, you stand in line to see this...shell. What are you supposed to do once you get up there? I mean, I said my farewell, and then talked to the daughter who I hadn't met before.
She said some very kind, genuine (not the "Gee, Mom thought a lot of you" variety) things, which got me blubbering all over the place. And, of course, it put me in the crappy position of being consoled by the person who should be consoled herself. I hate that.
I couldn't cry at my father's funeral because I had to comfort others. Isn't that odd?
Anyway, I cried half the way home after spending dinner with my Uncle. My father's closest brother - I swear they shared the same brain. They have the same eyes, same mannerisims, same gestures, same phrases. Made me realize how much of my father's personality - his true self - that I'm forgetting. It terrifies me that I'll forget those things. Ugh.
Been almost a year now, and it's not easier. It's different, but not easier.
Anyway, the actual funeral is today, but we're not going to that. Hubby had to work, and I just don't see LittleH and I driving up there by ourselves. It's far, I'm tired - both physically and emotionally.
On a different note, the weather is incredible here. It's Fall. Chilly, crisp, beautiful. The leaves are half on, half off - brilliantly colored, and amazing. The ground is painted with 'discarded' leaves - it's such a neat time of year.
Time to get ready to hibernate, I think.
~L
