January 3, 2001 - 2:04pm
Okay.
A blast from the past hit me like a brick wall today. :Sigh:
For all of you reading this, leave me a bit of support in the ol' guestbook, will you? I'm permanently traumatized.
Here it is, from the top....
I move from a large suburb near Chicago to a lil podunk town in Indiana. It's the summer, just before my Senior year in high school.
I'm driving my Corvette (yes, I was uber cool in HS :grin:) around the "cruise route", looking for something to do.
I'm parked & talking to one of my friends, and HE walks up.
You know. HIM - He who changes your life forever. Yep.
He asks me for a ride.
I tell him in my cocky "I'm from Chicago & I'm the shit" voice, "I've got your ride right here". No shit. I said that. *Ha*
From shortly thereafter we dated until my 2nd year in college. I started dating my neighbor & continued to date HIM throughout that relationship - we never really broke it off - it just eventually faded away.
The curious thing, though, is that I love this man. Love him more than anything in the world. Love him more - although in a different way - than my husband. Sick, isn't it?
See, he changed me. Forever. Changed my morals, changed who I wanted to become. Changed my perceptions about life, and changed all that I had known before that. Really, made me into the person that I am today. And, I know that I can always depend on HIM to be there for me. Warped.
Why am I bringing this up? I mean, I love my husband dearly - I really do. It's just a different love, you know?
But while I was dating HIM, and we were separated (it was long distance love thang while we were in college), I woke up - empty. I had a feeling of desolation. And, this morning. I awoke with that feeling. It made me think of him. Made me wonder if he was okay.
I got to work today, and emailed him. Can you believe that my heart still skips a beat when I get email from him? Cheeseola.
I rarely think of him anymore - I mean, I do - but not in a longing sort of way. I've accepted that we're apart - permanently. And, I love being married to Hubby. It's such a normal, healthy, stable relationship. But, somehow I miss my "roots".
Does this make ANY sense or am I coming across totally deranged.
Jeez. I have issues. ::Smile::
~L
