December 19, 2002 - 3:56 pm
Had a pretty rough day today. LittleH was fussy and would *not* eat, would *not* sleep, and seriously needed to do both. So, I loaded him into the car, not sure what our destination was to be.
Well, I ended up at Dad's grave site. I haven't been there since the funeral, but wanted to check in and see if the headstone people had put in the foundation yet. (They hadn't....ugh.) I had no intention of getting out of the car, as LittleH was *finally* sleeping, and it's just plain rainy, windy and crappy here.
But, when I got to the cemetery, there had been some new people 'planted' next to dad and I couldn't see for sure where he was. So, I got out.
And, friends, that was my mistake.
There I stood, out in the wind, the rain, and the cold, with my hands on the mound of dirt that covers my father's body. Sobbing. Sobbing like a 2-year old who just had a toy taken from him. Friends, I was pathetic.
I tend to push the fact that my father is no longer completely out of my mind, and then when it finally hits me...well, it's like finding out again for the first time. Like someone punching you in the stomach - hard.
Then, I went to pick up some forms from the attorney so that I could open an account at the bank in the name of my father's estate. Yeh, right, good luck.
Apparently, I *still* don't have what I need (this is my 3rd attempt). I got pissy with the clerk, called my attorney, and threw a big enough hissy that I at least got a cashier's check to pay his mortgage...but I still have to go back there tomorrow and screw around with it some more. Good times.
But, we still must count our blessings...so here's mine for the day:
A happy baby in the tub = a happy, good-smelling, squeaky-clean baby in my arms.
I love baby-smell.
~L
