June 17, 2003 - 8:07 am
Diddi,
Not a day goes by that I don't miss you. I don't know how to do this grieving thing very well - obviously. It's been 7 long months since you've left us....and it never seems to suck any less....it just sucks differently. (That was eloquent, no?)
Today I went out on the deck, and listened. I stood still for the first time since LittleH came into my life. Just stood there, listening, expecting to hear some kind of wisdom from you eminating from the sounds of nature I was hearing. The damn crows, the 'gulp' of the bullfrogs, the whir of the treefrogs. Expecting to have some kind of epiphany. But, instead, here is what I found:
Your Plumeria, blooming. Breathtaking, beautiful, and delicately fragranced like peaches. This particular one from Mexico - where it once stood a deep, dark red. Here in Indiana it only musters up a delicate pink....but here in Indiana it does so much more.
It reminds me of all the times we spent in Hawaii together - 14 trips in all - for our birthday. Reminds me of all the things you taught me about nature, about plants, about the beauty of the small things in life, and about the person I should be.
It never gets easier Diddi, it just gets different. I miss you so, so much.
~L
