March 14, 2003 - 7:48 pm
Dearest Diddi,
It's been (thinking to myself...Nov., Dec., Jan., Feb., March....) four and a half months since you left me here in this world to fend for myself. Four and a half long months.
Tomorrow is your birthday, and now more than ever I can't believe you're really gone.
I went to your house yesterday, and just stood outside. I couldn't go in, but rather stood outside the picture window. And, with my cheeks pressed against the glass....I cried and sobbed like a toddler.
As if that wasn't punishment enough, I sat in your car, hoping for a familiar smell and grasping for anything I could get. I found your hat. I pulled it to my face and cried harder than I've cried in years.
Yet, it still doesn't seem possible.
Tomorrow's your birthday - 5 days after mine. The birthdays we always celebrated together will never be the same. I don't know how to celebrate. I made your favorite cake, though...that much I knew needed to be done. But, what now?
Now that the weather is getting nice, I miss you more each day. Nobody to bum in the woods with, to take me out on the lake to swim and fish, and more than anything...nobody to be you.
This, my friend...sucks.
You'll always be my sunshine...I love you.
Happy Birthday, Diddi.
~L
